To Deepa Narayanan

Dear Deepums,

I will begin by telling you to always, always be proud of your patronymic name. To be proud of it every day and every minute of your life. You make me think of your Daddy, who, as I know, keeps on defining your world significantly. He will always be a big part of how I remember you forever. I will tell you why.

I am an extremely-shy person. My world is quiet unless made loud, and it gets loud and messy on days and seasons when I am hurt. Sometimes, I am the one who chooses to make or keep it loud by holding onto what hurts for longer than I should. Doing it that way has taken its toll on me. For the same reason, I will not recommend it to anyone.

I remember the day you invited me home to spend Onam with your ever-loving family a year back. It was a time when I was weighed down by hurting feelings. I remember bringing myself to your home, far from the cliche of dressing in a saree on a typical Thiruvonam day- I wore a short dress. The moment I got out, you exclaimed, “You look so lovely!”. I still don’t understand why you kept screaming the word “lovely” at the top of your lungs at least fifty times that day. I also don’t know how one celebrates something this way even when they don’t have anyone to team up with, without minding it.

A few months before I came to your home that day, I carried the hurt from hearing a comment from a friend of mine when I took a photo when we went out one day- it stayed with me more than it should have if I knew I was doing was for me. The moment I started clicking everyone’s pictures, and after taking a look at the pictures, you started telling me how I have an eye for moments and capture them as photographs. I have heard compliments for clicking pictures and have heard them after that incident with my friend too, but none of those really got into me. But that day, when it came from someone I love, like you, I started to believe it again.

On another note, I remember the long message you sent on my birthday before meeting me, how you told me that you wanted to meet me even when you don’t meet people that often, how you asked me not to tell anyone that I’m a writer after reading a snippet I wrote, how you told me that something in you tells you that I will be a good teacher, how you introduced me saying that I like to click pictures to one of your relatives when I came home the second time when Daddy passed away. All your loving words have stayed with me because it has always made me feel genuinely special.

I am always in awe of how you compliment people and I think I’ll always be. Of how you tell them what you feel, not once, but over and over until they start believing it. You give them no choice, really. And, I’ve always remembered you this way ever since I started seeing you this way, as an epitome of how to compliment people for what you see in them, each time more generously than before.

Last time while you were driving me to drop me at the bus stand after when I showed up at your door unannounced, you were casually talking about Daddy, and how he was always generous in giving compliments. How he never failed to compliment the way you sing. I remember thinking this is when she must know I think of her the same way. So I told you that’s how you are- always like your Daddy, so engulfing with your love, generous with the compliments you give out, and heartening with your presence.

I am sure that you make your Daddy proud every day. And I am even more sure that you will believe it without doubting from this very moment because you are that person who is so grateful for every little thing that comes your way. So take this compliment and let it stay somewhere in your big heart.

If I have anything to tell you, it is this- never stop telling people how you see them. Because you see them in a light people rarely notice when they look at another person. Knowing that changes their world and makes it so big!

Always love and some nonsense,

Priyakutty